Ouch?
by back off im completely nuts
Summary: I suck at summaries but for the hell of it... Tanya gets hurt and through it finds a mate and a best friend in someone shes known for years. But she also discovers that this person has a side of them she hasnt seen before, a side that they hate showing... a dark side with many secrets... Will she still love them after getting to know them better? Rated M for language and self-harm
1. The Chase

**A/N: I know this is short i just need to get it started. this is my first fanfiction so go easy.  
Important** Carlisle/esme not rest are canon pairings. not relevant to any part of the books. the volturi run a vampire "hospital" (not really important but sort of needed in the story).

DISCLAIMER: characters dont belong to me (obviously), story line does.

**Tanya POV**

I spun and took off down the hallway, giggling like a teenage girl. At the bottom of the stairs I was Garrett pull Kate into a hug. Then before she could react, he pushed her away from him screaming "Kate's it!", and pranced across the room, hiding behind the couch for safety. He grinned triumphantly at her. She rolled her eyes at him and flopped into the seat in front of her, making it clear that she was not going to play tag with us. His disappointment was evident on his face. Garrett's eyes then shifted to Elizar, who was edging toward the door. The minuet garrets feet left the floor in a mad lunge for him, he was gone deep into the woods, although his playful laughter could still be heard echoing around our property.

After collecting himself from the floor, Garrett's eyes rested on me. His smile grew wide across his face. He threw himself toward me, running across the kitchen table and around Kate (who let out a low growl to show that his immature behaviour would not be tolerated). I screamed like a child and began to sprint up the stairs, trying to control my laughter. Garrett was faster than I was so I knew fleeing was hopeless, but it was more fun this way. As my foot caught on the last step I glanced up and saw Carmen's bemused expression as she watched her husband doubled over, laughter shaking his body, on the lawn, obviously amused at Garrett's actions and the expression on Kate's face.

As my body collided with the ground, I heard a sickening snap somewhere deep within me. A few seconds later, the pain hit. I vaguely recognised that I was sliding back down the stairs, each of the sharp edges digging into me again and again, intensifying the pain, worsening the bruising. It felt as though millions of tiny razors were assaulting my body, each tiny prick bringing a new wave of agony. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks. Stars danced in my vision. Somewhere in the background, I could hear someone frantically screaming my name, begging me to wake up. Their voice sounded far away, like they were speaking through a tunnel. I could hear the distress in their voice, the sobs threatening to break through their words. I desperately wanted to calm their panic, tell them I was okay, beg them to make the pain stop. i felt a cold pressure on my hand. Behind me the screams turned to muffled sobs. Another voice speaking more calmly than the last one, instructing an ambulance to be called. Then hazy black cloud consumed my consciousness.

**very short but I will try and update soon (today is the 24/11/13)**


	2. Bleach

**Disclaimer: I dont own any characters in this story.**

**Important: much of what is said in this story dosent fit with the book (i.e vampires sleeping, character ages and relationships in the next chapter), but it is only to make the story more interesting.**

I awoke in a sterile-white harshly lit room. As consciousness dawned on me I became aware of a burning ache which seemed to consume my whole body. The sharp smell of bleach burned in the back of my nose, stinging my eyes. Something heavy was anchored around my leg, limiting my movement. I felt trapped, claustrophobic.

Fully awake now I glanced around the room, trying to figure out my whereabouts. Shelves lined the walls of my room. On these shelves container were stacked, each holding some form of torturous looking instruments that glinted under the bright lighting. Long, wide lights covered the ceiling, encasing the room in an unnaturally white glow. Smooth, overly-polished tiles covered the floor. They too were white. The walls were strange. The bottom half of them were covered in the same tiles as the floor, while the upper half was coated in a badly-applied layer of white paint.  
I was lying between two light coloured sheets each with a dark coloured strip at both the top and the bottom, accompanied by some words printed in a foreign language. They were rough against my skin. My confusion heightened. Was this some kind of prison?

I sat up, too quickly as the world began to swirl, in order to look out the window. I was greeted by tall uniform buildings, each with the same strip and unreadable words.  
I began to panic, my breath catching in my throat as I hyperventilated (if that's even possible for a vampire). Tears began to slide down my face. I desperately wanted to know where I was. My head was filled with worry for my family. I had to find them, see if they were okay.

I slide from the bed. As my bare feet slapped onto the tiles, I was greeted by a sharp, gut-wrenching pain shooting up my leg. The tears morphed into quiet sobs. I had to keep going, had to get out.  
After attempting to take a few carful steps, each one causing a new wave of agony, I discovered I was unable to bend my leg.  
Looking down I discovered that in my panicked state I neglected to notice the bulky cast attached to my leg. My panic was replaced by confusion. On further inspection I realised that I was also dressed in an unflattering blue hospital gown. As my panic fully subsided I slide back into my bed the best I could with my newly crippled leg. Lying there, I saw that the foreign language was actually Italian.  
Translated to English the words read "_Volturi Medical Centre"._

I was in hospital. I lay there in relief, slowly letting my vague memory of the fall come back to me. My tears were replaced by a wide grin when I realised that my family were okay. Well, no, maybe not Kate, she tended to panic over nothing so this was sure to cause a meltdown on her behalf. "_Poor Garrett_", I chuckled to myself as I imagined him trying to cope with a Kate sized wreck.

It was this moment that Eleazar and Carmen chose to walk in. Carmen immediately rushed to me and enclosed me in a tight hug.  
"I'm so glad your alright," she whispered. The relief was obvious in her voice.  
Eleazar on the other hand was more hesitant. He had a puzzled look on his face.  
"what?" I asked curiously, raising my eyebrows at him. I tried to contain my giggles.  
He paused before answering. "Why are you, why are you laughing?" he looked utterly confused. "Have they given you something? Like…Drugs?" Carmen broke into hysterics. I shrugged, "Um, I guess so. It doesn't hurt as much as I think it should, but I honestly don't know. Ask the doctor?"

"Speaking of doctors," I heard a shrill voice say from out the door. A small slender figure entered the room. "My name is Heidi and I am yours," the voice continued.  
"Great," Eleazar groaned. "Bring on the headaches." Carmen just giggled. Obviously I missed out on the inside joke.  
"Come on Eleazar, I'm not that bad," Heidi smirked a him.  
"I bags finding Kate and Garret" he mumbled and promptly left the room. Heidi just rolled her eyes.

As Heidi began her examination of me I turned to Carmen. "Where are those two anyway?"  
it was Heidi who answer. "They are upstairs visiting a friend of Garrett's who he went to school with." She frowned as she continued, "although, I think you guys might know him too, just under a different name."  
"Ahh, I didn't recognize him when we saw him," Carmen said. "He's kinda cute though."  
"I didn't either until he bit me," Heidi chuckled, "that boy owes me one now. Oh, and by the way, don't let Eleazar hear you say that. We don't need him getting jealous." I was pretty sure the last bit was only added because Eleazar had returned with Kate. He glared at Heidi.  
"Alright, you can go home in two days, after the new plaster has set, since you were stupid enough to walk on it. I suggest the rest of you go home and rest as it has been a long day." Heidi spoke in an overly formal voice, causing everyone in the room to roll their eyes.  
"Vampires don't get tired that easily," Kate muttered from where she had her head buried in my shoulder.  
"Where's Garrett?" I asked her noticing his absence.  
"He's with his friend. He said he'll be up later," her voice was muffled by the ugly gown.

A few hours later it was only me, Eleazar and Garrett who remained. One of the nurses had come in earlier and sent the others packing, but apparently, Eleazar had "unfinished business" with Heidi which I was too scared to ask about, and Garrett was still upstairs.  
A few minutes later Eleazar disappeared out the door snickering after giving me a quick hug, telling me that he too was returning to Denali and kidnapping Garrett on the way out. I suspected that this was mostly to avoid Kate wrath.  
My train of thought was interrupted by a very disgruntled looking, sopping-wet Heidi entering the room. She wore an expression that said "_don't ask"_. I held my tongue.

She left then, leaving me to get lost in my own thoughts. Although i didn't know him, I couldn't push the stranger upstairs from my mind. He intrigued me.  
Before falling asleep that night, i decided i would quizz Garrett about him when I got home.

**A/N: awkwardly written I know (im an awkward person), and still kind of short, but i just have to get through this bit to get into the real story line. I will introduce the next character in the next chapter. Please let me know what you think so far though :)**


	3. Visitors

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.  
**

**Tanya POV**

Two days later I was back home in my own confortable bed. It was nice to be away for the constant beeps and whirs of the machines, and the continuous hurry of footsteps past the door. It was beginning to do my head in.  
Now, the only noise I could hear was the phone ringing in the background and Eleazar and Kate fighting over who would move to get it from the lounge. Eventually, I heard Kate sigh. Eleazar chuckled once he knew she had surrendered.

A few minutes later Kate bounded into my room and leapt upon my bed where I lay. A small hiss escaped my mouth at the sudden jerk of the bed which caused a sharp spasm of pain in my leg.  
"What?" I asked her. The words came out harsher than I meant them.  
"The Cullens are coming to visit," she announced, excitement audible in her voice. Kate was just excited because she would finally have a shopping buddy which didn't complain.  
"Oh goody," I said sarcastically with a roll of my eyes. It wasn't that I didn't like the Cullens, I really did, it was just that with their visits, they always brought more noise, and right now I just wanted to relax. It also meant that Kate, Carmen, Esme and Alice would try to force me to participate in pointless activities (like shopping), when all I wanted was to stay home, be antisocial and read. They let Carlisle get away with it. Whenever he was here, he would usually take part in a total of three incredibly awkward conversations, disappear into his bedroom for the rest of his stay, and then leave again with the others (personally I envied him). We hardly ever saw him, and when we did, he usually looked like he wanted to run and hide under something rather than talk to us. Laurent labelled him a snob after the first time we met them. I think he's just shy.  
Kate's voice pulled me from my thoughts as if she knew what, or more who I was thinking about.  
"Your boyfriend will be with them." Her tone was overly innocent. I glared at her, trying in vain to keep my cheeks from turning red. I hated that she knew about my stupid little crush on him. I didn't even know him very well so what was the point of liking him?  
"I don't like him. Not like that." I added quickly, trying to cover my embarrassment.  
She just smirked and raised her eyebrows at me. "Whatever you say sister."  
"Where's Garrett?" I asked, trying to train her attention on something else.  
"In our room," she said with a small frown. _Success.  
_I paused waiting for her to continue. She didn't take the hint. Instead, she sprung from the bed.  
"I'm going hunting, you want me to get you some?" she asked.  
I shook my head no. My stomach still felt queasy from the pain medication. She frowned.  
"Can you," she paused. "Can you an eye on Garrett for me? Please?"  
"Um, sure, I guess." I was confused to why he actually needed baby sitting in the first place, but before I could ask, she slithered out the door.

"Garrett? Can I come in?" I quietly nocked on the door. Curiosity had gotten the better of me. From inside the room I heard the quiet conformation that I could. I hesitantly opened the door. I found him sitting on their bed with his head resting in his hands. I internally cursed Kate for leaving him like this, but then it struck me that maybe he was hiding his emotions from her.  
"Are you okay? What's the matter?" He looked up at me, shifting uncomfortably. I moved to sit next to him. He seemed tense, scared maybe? I suddenly wished Jasper were here.  
"What if they don't like me?" his voice was barely audible, even to a vampire, and it wavered a little bit. I realised then that he had never met the other family we were so comfortable around.  
"I'm… I'm kinda… Weird, so what if they don't… Approve of me? I don't know what to say to them…" he trailed off. I had never realised Garrett was so shy. To my surprise, a tear slide down his cheek. He looked away embarrassed. I was stumped for what to say, I didn't expect him to be this wound up about it. I suspected Kate didn't either, although she must have thought it odd that he didn't want to hunt with her.  
"…It'll be fine Garrett. They don't bite. Although, you'll probably be forced to play baseball with us all later." He gave a small smile at my choice of words. "Unless, that is you want to hide out here with Carlisle? He doesn't usually play, only if we leave him here with Alice." He flinched at the mention of his name and stared at the floor. My brow knotted in confusion but I let it slide.  
"I just hope they like me," he said before going out the door and down the stairs, presumably to wait for Kate.  
Sighing, I returned to my room and flopped into my bed. My leg ached and Heidi forbade me to move too much anyway. Already I could see that this was going to be a long six weeks until my cast came off. I could also see Alice attempting to glue pink tinsel to the dam thing.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew it was 6 pm and Alice burst into my room. I groaned. She laughed, knowing I was unable to escape her in any great hurry. My crutches had been strategically placed on the other side of the room. Out of reach. She immediately began talking about the journey here and the goings on back home. I know it was her attempt to cheer me up but I tuned out half way through her speech. Ideally, she was not the person I wanted to be alone wit right now and I hated myself for wanting that person to be Carlisle.  
"Is Carlisle with you guys?" the question burst out of my mouth before I even registered it was going to happen.  
"What?" She asked, clearly confused.  
"Did Carlisle come with you lot?" I mumbled, mentally kicking myself for asking.  
"Oh. No he's not here." She seemed put out I had interrupted her to ask that. "He's coming later though," she added. I hope this wasn't because disappointment was written across my face.

The night grew darker as the witching dawned as I sank into the softness of the couch.  
"Did everything go okay?" I asked Garrett who was seated between me and Kate. He nodded but his thoughts seemed to be somewhere else.  
"What went okay?" Kate scolded, obviously annoyed at being left out of the loop.  
"I was just nervous about meeting the Cullens," Garrett mumbled. Kate reached up to kiss him.  
"You should have told me." She half growled at him. He just shrugged.  
"It was nothing," he said quietly. I sensed that it was the complete opposite. By the expression on her face so did Kate.  
Outside, we heard a car pull up and then a car door close softly. My stomach buzzed with butterflies. _Stupid. You don't even know him, _I reminded myself. I felt like a teenager going on her first date. I was eternally grateful that I was away from Edward, although I was sure he could hear my thoughts still.  
A few seconds later, Carlisle appeared in the doorway. He had changed so much I barely recognised him. He blushed and looked down when he realised everyone was staring at him.  
"Season's greetings earth martian," Eleazar called from the top of the staircase. Carlisle looked bewildered. "I'm sorry. Carmen told me I had to say that or she wasn't going to sleep with me tonight." He admitted with a sheepish smile and then disappeared back into his bedroom. I heard Carmen giggling in the background.  
"I didn't think you would actually do it," I heard her say. 

Turning back to Carlisle, I noticed him and Garrett both frozen, staring at each other with shocked expressions on their faces. For some reason I began to feel an incredible guilt for not warning Garrett about the fact that Carlisle was coming. I probably should have done the same for Carlisle, I knew he didn't like new people either.  
All of a sudden, Garrett flew off the couch, throwing himself at Carlisle. He was going to attack. Somehow I got the feeling that Garrett would come off second best from that.  
"Garrett!" Kate shrieked alarmed. It happened so fast there was nothing we could do to stop it.  
Closing the distance, Garrett raised his arms. Carlisle stood frozen. I willed him to move, hoped he would run. Instead of hitting him however, Garrett threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly.  
I panicked. Carlisle usually reacted badly when just touched, let alone hugged. _Oh god Garrett, what have you done?!_ Much to my surprise, he didn't push him away and take off like I thought he might, but coiled his arms around Garrett's waist.  
I looked at Kate. Her dazed expression mirrored my confusion. Carmen and Eleazar had appeared on the staircase, also wearing startled matching expressions.  
No one EVER touched Carlisle. EVER. The few times that someone had accidentally brushed up against him, he hyperventilated and practically flew up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him in a panic. And here was him and Garrett hugging, both seeming usually relaxed.

They pulled away from each other, both of them with a huge smile plastered across their face. I realised that this was the first time I had ever seen Carlisle smile. And it completely took my breath away. Maybe that also had something to do with his appearance. He looked remarkably different. His hair was almost ebony black, and incredibly straight. The fact he was hiding behind his fringe made me smile. He wore black skinny jeans, along with a black jacket and a black printed shirt underneath. He almost looked like a Goth, a REAL vampire. I loved it. My heart leapt into my throat when I realised it was a My Chemical Romance shirt. It filled me with a strange excitement to know that we shared the love of the same great band.  
He caught me staring at him and self-consciously pulled his jacket closer around. Around his wrist was a hospital band. Through his clothing you could how slender but muscular he really was. I looked away and let out the breath I didn't know I was holding.  
_Wait. __**Hospital band. **__He had been in hospital recently. _My thoughts flew back to when I was up there with my broken leg. I remembered Garrett visiting someone- a close friend.  
I looked at those two standing together. They certainly looked like they were close, after all, Garrett hugged him.  
Was it really possible?... 

**A/N: I just noticed that I said I was introducing a new character in this chapter, but what I meant to say was I am introducing a new "take" on a character. Please review, even though im not far into the story. Any suggestions? But go easy this is my first Fanfic.**


	4. Angel

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story.**

That night after everyone had settled again, I went to bed. Carlisle, as usual had disappeared only moments after arriving and mumbling a hello. Neither him or Garrett offered any explanation for their odd behaviour, although Garrett was defiantly a lot more relaxed than he had been for the past few days.

Sometime later I awoke in the smothering blackness. My leg felt as though it was on fire. The pain was overwhelming. I realised that the pain killers must have worn off and attempted to slide from my bed to get them from the kitchen. My leg rewarded me with the feeling of a thousand wasps stinging me at once, over and over.  
Settling back onto my mattress, I tried to stifle the whimpers that threatened to burst from my mouth. Hot, salty tears dribbled down my cheeks. I tried to remember what Heidi had said about the leg. She certainly hadn't said anything about it hurting like this.  
My whimpers turned into sobs which shook my body as I realised that I would have to stay like this until someone missed me in the morning. For the first time ever, I cursed the sound-proofing in the walls which usually protected me from "disruptive" sounds in the night. Although my door was ajar, I doubted anyone would hear me even if I did call out.

I remembered this happening to Carmen a few years ago when she fell but nobody heard. She had to wait 12 hours until Eleazar came home from a trip he was on as all of us assumed that she went with him. We all felt guilty for weeks afterwards.  
My situation was nowhere near as bad as hers was. Still, the pain was bad enough to cloud my thoughts and make my vision spin. I prayed I would pass out.  
I cried harder as the wound began to feel hot and incredibly itchy. I felt like a little kid who had woken up from nightmare, too terrified to move until a parent heard their cries and came to their rescue. Feeling stupid for crying like that, I tried to focus on calming down and keeping quiet. I knew that if Kate did happen to find me in this state, she too would be upset. I failed miserably. Instead, my sobs increased in power as the pain continued to grow.

Suddenly, there was a hesitant knock on the door. In the pale moonlight I could see it slowly creak open. A figure approached me, seeming somewhat cautious. I didn't blame considering that I probably sounded like a dying animal.  
"Here," a quiet voice said, pushing something into my hand. I recognised it at once.  
"What is it?" I chocked. I couldn't see the object itself.  
"Codeine," mumbled the voice. I briefly wondered where it came from. We didn't have any in our house and the doctor had only given me panadol. I swiftly took it and gulped it down along with the water given to me.  
"Thank you," I gasped, longing for the stronger medication to take effect. A violent stab of pain caused me to gasp and let out a muffled cry, my hand clenching into a tight fist, digging my nails into my palm. I half sat up in the bed, waiting for this new wave of agony to pass.  
Carlisle moved then, and sat cross-legged on the spare side of the bed facing me. I could barely make out his pale silhouette through the blackness. He reached forward and squeezed my hand. For a moment, the mere fact that he was touching me – willingly- distracted me from my situation. I slowly uncurled my fingers as the pain subsided. As I did so he wound his through mine, again applying a comforting pressure. It immediately calmed me.  
Again I cursed myself as I lay back down. I told myself that my relaxed feeling was from the medicine working, not his presence. I lied to myself.

After we sat like that for a while, I could tell that he was beginning to get uncomfortable, although it crossed my mind that he had been the entire time and I just hadn't noticed. I noticed he was still wearing the same clothes he had arrived in. I glanced at the clock. _3 am._  
"Haven't been to sleep?" I voice broke the silence that had clouded the room. He smiled hesitantly and shook his head no. _Damn._ I was hoping to get him talking.  
"So… You and Garrett know each other?" I tried again. It seemed like an obvious enough question. He looked down and studied our entwined hands. He wasn't going to answer. I swore internally. Maybe the question was too personal. Silence enveloped us again.

"…We went to school together," his voice was so quiet I could barely hear it but the fact he had spoken startled me. I remained silent, willing him to keep talking.  
"But I didn't know he was a vampire until a few days ago when he saw m- when I was i- when Hei- when he visited me." He stammered through the sentence, obviously hiding something that he didn't want me to know. I didn't pry. I was confused though. I had thought Garrett was with us the whole time. Kate seemed to know nothing of their relationship and the time he had left her was when she had gone hunting this morning, and when I was in hospital and he was seeing an old friend. I looked at his wrists. I thought the band was gone, although it was difficult to tell because of the lighting and his long sleeves. I wondered if it were inappropriate to bring the hospital visit and if he would ever talk to me again if I did.  
"Was that when you were in hospital?" the question burst from my mouth before I could stop it. _Dammit Tanya._ I scolded myself. I didn't need Jasper to sense his discomfort intensify. He nodded slightly and let his hair fall over his face. _Please don't leave._ I internally begged him, tightening my grip on his hand.  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to ask that it just fell out before I could stop it. Sorry." I spoke quickly. _Please stay. _I refrained from adding.  
"Its… it's okay… I just didn't realise that you knew about that." He looked scared, guilty almost. Silence once again closed in on us. After a long pause he added, "do you…Do you know why?"  
"No," I shook my head. He visibly relaxed and his breathing regulated again. He drew his hand back. _Great now I've crossed some kind of line._  
"I have to um, go to bed," he mumbled as he stood up. "You'll be okay now?" he inched toward the door looking uncomfortable again.  
"Yes. Thank you." _No. Please stay._ I hoped he couldn't hear the disappointment in my voice. He disappeared then and left me alone. I missed him at once.

In the morning, after I woke from a drug-induced sleep, I carefully ventured into the kitchen where the others were gathered.  
"She lives!" announced Eleazar in a stupid tone. Everyone in the room stared at him. He immediately turned bright red and moved to sit behind Carmen.  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Garrett lean over and whisper something to Carlisle who went the same shade of red Eleazar. He shook his head vehemently while Garrett attempted – and failed – to smother his giggles. They all turned to stare at the two – Garrett in hysterics and fighting to remain on his chair because of it, and Carlisle who was once again hiding behind perfectly straight hair and staring at the floor.  
Me and Kate locked eyes. She glanced from them back to me and rolled her eyes.  
"They're like school girls," she half whispered, half chuckled. I nodded in agreement. Eleazar looked happy that the attention had been removed from him.  
Garrett looked up at all the faces staring at him and seemed to shrink back into himself. Carmen came to his rescue.  
"Are we playing today? Or are you really that determined to play in the rain Emmett?."  
Slowly everyone began dispersing to get ready for the baseball match. Before leaving Garrett mouthed a thank you at Carmen. She just shook her head at him, hiding her smile. Carlisle remained looking at the floor until everyone had filed out.  
He then quickly stood and darted upstairs. I heard his bedroom door behind him. I sighed. I guess I shouldn't have thought that maybe our little "exchange" last night had changed anything between us, made him like me more.

I returned to my room and lay on my bed staring at the roof. Inside my cast, I tried to shift my leg to see how far I could actually move it. Not very. I groaned, thinking of the six boredom filled weeks that lay ahead of me. I soon became lost in my thoughts of what horrible things I could eventually do to Heidi for putting me in the awful thing. I knew it wasn't her fault, it was basically what I had paid her to do, but I needed someone to be mad at.  
My stomach growled, making groan again. I should have taken Kate up on her offer yesterday. _Stupid._ I hated being completely reliant on people, especially people who had mates to tend to and better things to do than looking after me. I hated slowing them down, although they all smiled and pretended there was nothing else they would rather be doing. Kate especially. I suppose this was because I was her sister and she felt responsible for me. I knew she would rather be with Garrett. Although, at the moment, Garrett seemed pre-occupied with someone else.

A while later I was awoken by someone softly saying my name and gently shaking my shoulder. I must have fallen asleep. Even when I was still half asleep I could feel the deep throb and the burning coming from my leg. I vaguely recognised that the medicine must have worn off.  
"Piss off Kate, let me sleep. Go away," I mumbled trying to shoo her. I just wanted to sleep.  
"I'm not Kate," an amused voice whispered back. My eyes flew open. I was greeted by a dark-haired, slightly teasing-looking angel looking back at me.  
It completely threw me off. My tongue tangled in my mouth and I struggled to find words. He smiled shyly and held out a hand. I continued to stare at him, unmoving.  
"Um… Codeine?" He asked unsurely. I quickly reached out and took it from him, feeling like a complete idiot.  
"Thank-you," I mumbled after gulping it down. I was shocked to realise that he must have kept track of the time I had it last. And amazed that he had remembered to give it to me again.  
"Do y-you want food?" He began stuttering, a sure sign he was getting nervous. I knew that within minutes he would be unable to talk because of it if he wasn't distracted. I nodded as he reached behind and produced a glass full of blood. I took a tentative sip. Animal blood. I suppose I should of known, it being Carlisle, but I wondered how the hell he actually managed to get animal blood in the glass in the first place.  
As I drunk it I watched him carefully, trying not to get caught in the act of doing so. I noticed his breathing quicken and become uneven as he edged toward the door. He stared at the ceiling, then the floor, seeming unable to focus on any one thing. He glanced over his shoulder at the door before finally looking back at me. He held out his hand for the now empty cup. I put it on the night-stand next to me. He looked around the room seeming unsure what to do now, biting his bottom lip. I noticed he had started to shake slightly, his breathing becoming more and more jagged. He looked close to tears. I remember Eleazar once having a panic attack and looking similarly to what Carlisle did now.  
"Carlisle…?" I asked him. A small whimper escaped his mouth. "What's wrong?" He bolted for the door.


	5. Thief

I sat in shock on my bed, unsure what to do. I didn't know if I should go after him or just let him be. My heart said go, but my head told me to stay.  
I don't know how long I sat there for, but some time later I heard the door open down stairs and the loud voices of the others flooded the house.  
"Tanya?" I heard Kate call.  
"Here," my voice came out scratchy and so quiet I doubted she heard me. I realised that I was on the brink of tears myself. I felt terrible, hoping it wasn't me who had upset him and guilty for not knowing what to do to help him. She called my name again. This time her voice was closer, just outside the door. She pushed it open.  
"What's the matter!?" Her voice was instantly panicked.  
"N-nothing." I tried to sound stronger than I felt. I failed. She eyed me suspiciously and then turned her attention to the used glass on my table.  
"So that's what's wrong then. Your leg hurts. WHY WOULD YOU IN THE RIGHT MIND GO IN TO TOWN?! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WAIT UNTILL WE GOT HOME?! WHATS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT IF YOU FELL AGAIN OR GO STUCK SOMEWHERE?! OR IF SOMEONE HAD TRIED TO HELP YOU! YOU WOULD HAVE GIVEN US AWAY! God dammit Tanya…" She flopped on to the bed next to me, running her fingers through her hair. I could understand her misdirected rage but it still hurt for her to be so mad at me.  
"I didn't go into town…" I mumbled quietly, holding back tears. Her brow knotted in confusion.  
"Then how…?" She picked up the glass. "Animal blood?" She now looked utterly puzzled.  
"Carlisle brought it to me," I spoke looking at the floor, feeling incredibly guilty, although I wasn't sure what for. She stared at me like I'd spoken I a foreign tongue.  
"…Carlisle… Cullen…?" she asked carefully.  
"What other bloody Carlisles' do we know Kate?" My tone came out sharper than I meant it. She just nodded, still absorbing the new information. I didn't wait for her to recover from her shock. I pulled my leg over the side of the bed and hobbled out of the room toward the kitchen on my crutches. Kate remained sitting on my bed, fiddling with the glass.

As I entered the lounge where about half of our family were sitting, they all turned to look at me. I noticed that Carlisle and Garrett were both among the missing.  
"What did you do to Katie?" Emmett was the first one to speak. _Great. They heard._  
"One, Tanya didn't do anything to Her, and two, she will literally kill you if she hears you calling her Katie." I jumped as Garrett spoke from behind me. His voice was more harsh than usual and his eyes were almost black. As he past me he shot me a confused look. I guessed it had nothing to do with mine and Kate's argument.  
"Who's calling me Katie?" Said Kate in a teasing tone as she came down the stairs.  
"Jasper!" Yelled Emmett as he ran from the room in flee of Kate. She pulled a face.  
"What did you tell him?" she asked Garrett giggling. He shrugged.  
"The truth."  
"Tell the truth more often then," Alice said from what use to be Emmett's seat. She was also laughing. Rosalie rolled her eyes but made no move to go after her mate.  
The loud conversation began again, this time with Kate as well, meaning that it contained many playful volts of electricity. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Garrett disappear through the kitchen door.

I didn't know whether following Garrett was really the best idea, but Kate hadn't seemed to notice and he looked upset. Actually, he seemed to be hiding from her. I found him sitting on the edge of the back deck staring at the lake next to the house. As I neared him he looked up to see who it was. He didn't run so that has to be a good thing. I sat next to him. He continued to star at the water.  
"What's wrong?" I asked him softly.  
"…Nothing," he mumbled in reply.  
"Liar." I announced playfully.  
"What… so I can't hide from you, but I can hide from Kate?"  
"Pretty much." We sat in silence for a while.  
"Come on Garrett, you can tell me. I'm not going to go running to Kate." I nudged him gently with my shoulder.  
"How's your leg?" he asked trying to change the subject.  
"Fine. Carlisle gave me Codeine while you guys were out today." He flinched. _Bingo._ "Did you two have a fight?" I asked him carefully.  
"No… Yes… No, not really." He sighed. "Just a… disagreement."  
"And now you're mad at him?"  
He shook his head. "Just worried." He stared at the ground.  
"You guys will be fine, especially if you've known him this long." He didn't answer, just continued to stare down. "Is he mad at you?" I asked gently. He shook his head again.  
"I don't think so. I hope not."  
"Then what are you worried about?"  
"That… that he'll get hurt," he whispered  
"What do you mean "get hurt"?" I asked, feeling strangely protective over him. "Hurt by who?"  
"…Himself mostly… Look, I don't think we should be having this conversation, I don't think he would be comfortable with you knowing…" He trailed off staring at his hands like he had never seen them before.  
"Its fine, Garrett," I said giving him an awkward one-armed hug. Although it wasn't. I knew Carlisle didn't trust me but it hurt deeply to have actual evidence of it. I tried not to let it show.  
"Sorry to break up your make-out session," Kate joked coming across the deck toward us. "but I would like to borrow my sister, if that's okay with you Garrett?" At least someone was in a good mood today. He just and looked at the water.  
"Garrett…." Her joking mood was gone, replaced by concern for her mate. She started toward him reaching to put her hand on his back when she got close enough. She began talking to him in a quiet voice.  
"TANYA!" Alice squealed running toward me. I froze. Had it not been for my stupid leg, I would have bolted. I suddenly knew what was in stall for me. _Crap. Here comes the tinsel._ Sure enough, as Alice pulled me toward the couch, I saw the dreaded sparkly stuff siting on the floor next to a bottle of super glue. Next to Eleazar whose grin filled the whole room. I now also knew whose idea this was. I would not have an Alice skin hanging on my wall after all. It would be Eleazar's. Carmen, who was sitting in the chair next to him sent me apologetic look, probably a plea for me not to kill her husband when I next got the chance. No escape for me now though.

"Tanya, can you please help me for a minuet?" the entire room was suddenly silent. No one moved, they all just stared at the source of the voice. I didn't hesitate. I quickly pulled away from Alice putting wonderful, beautiful meters between me and the couch, and climbed the stairs as fast as my leg allowed me, toward Carlisle. When I reached him, Alice charged. She flew up the stairs toward us. I expected him to back off and let Alice win, but to my surprise, he waited until she was a few feet away, in jumping distance, before he half pulled, half carried me down the hallway. He pulled me into his room, slammed the door in Alice's face, bracing his back against it while reaching up and slid the lock across. I felt a wide smile spread across my face. He was smiling too as Alice shouted abuses at him through the door. Down stairs I could hear a few members of the family laughing, probably at the disappointed looks on their wives faces, and Emmett and Jasper making rude comments about me and Carlisle.  
"Sorry, I didn't really think about the dodgyness of this situation before I, um, stole you and locked us in a room together…" he whispered holding back laughter. I tried to contain my own giggles. As stupid as it was, it was the most fun I'd had in a long time. We both exploded into laughter, along with Carmen, Garrett, Jasper and Emmett when Alice screamed the 'f' word, wacked the door hard enough for the window to rattle, and then stomped down stairs. We all knew that the door and the lock weren't enough to stop Alice if she really wanted in.  
"I think we win," he announced triumphantly, loud enough for the others to hear.  
"So… What did you want help with?" I asked him, puzzled to why I was up here in the first place.  
"Help? Oh, um, I didn't, I think you're the one who needed the help," he chuckled. I smiled.  
"Thanks, but I think you just devastated Alice," I giggled.  
"She'll get over it. Anyway, it serves her right," he laughed darkly. I wondered what she had done to him in the past.  
"Ahh… three seconds," he said quietly although I wasn't sure what I was actually counting for until he began frantically shifting papers – drawings – for his bed so we would have a place to sit. As he spun around to dump them onto his desk, he tripped over some kind of cable running across his floor and sent himself and his papers flying across the floor. As he did so, he ripped a chord out of his iPod which lay next to me on the bed. 'You know what they do to guys like us in prison' blared loudly into the room. He leapt up quickly, before I had time to react, and snatched the device off the bed, effectively shutting it down and the room became quiet again.  
"Are you okay? Did you hurt anything?" I asked panicked.  
"No, I'm fine. Just hellishly clumsy," he mumbled while bending down to recollect the drawings. I laughed, more out of relief than humour. He looked embarrassed, nervous almost. I reached down and picked up some of the papers from the floor. On them were pencilled sketches of dark, dominating monsters and a language in a foreign tongue. They were realistic enough to make my blood run cold. Looking around the dark room, there were hundreds of bits of paper everywhere, all covered in the same disturbing monster and strange language. They covered the walls, were stacked on desks and bookshelves, and were now also spread across the carpet, each of them displaying pure talent.  
I realised I had never been in his room before, I didn't think anyone had except maybe Garrett. It was untidy, but defiantly not unclean. The bed was made and things weren't coated in dust like many other areas of the house, but clutter filled most spaces. Not clutter is suppose, but paper and books. A stack of CDs were stacked in the corner. I strained to see their titles but couldn't in the dim lighting. Suddenly, light filled the room. I blinked a few times dazed.  
I was brought back down to earth by the clatter of him tossing his iPod onto his desk and it sliding off and disappearing down the back. He groaned quietly.  
"These are really good," I said referring to the drawings. He looked bewildered. His eyes flicked around the room, as though he had just realised that they were literally everywhere.  
"I-I-I, ah, I um…" he began stuttering, his nervousness breaking through. His breathing was rapid again. "I-I… Please don't judge me…" he whispered. I thought he was kidding and just playing around until I saw the look on his face. He looked genuinely scared. "Please…"  
"Why would I?" I asked him. I didn't think I'd done anything to come off as a judgemental person.  
"It's just that… most people do and then they leave but they don't understand and I keep forgetting that other people don't see what I do so they don't know and I don't want to hurt anybody I didn't mean to I -." He cut himself off and hid behind his hair, staring at the floor. It was my turn to feel bewildered; I had no idea what he was talking about. He began taking short, jagged breaths. He looked miserable but I didn't know what to do.  
"Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into this. I'm sorry." I realised he was on the brink of tears and felt like something inside of me was going to break. I desperately wanted to help him, but I prayed he wouldn't cry, I knew if he did, I would also be in tears. A lump formed in my throat.  
He flew toward the door and began fiddling with the lock, trying to undo it. His hands shook so badly he struggled. I began to move from the bed, assuming he wanted me to leave. I wished that he would just let me stay and talk to me. Suddenly the lock gave way. He ripped open the door and rushed toward the bathroom.  
Kate and Garrett appeared out of their room, disturbed by the commotion.  
"Are you okay?!" Kate rushed toward me. It was only then that I realised that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. I nodded furiously.  
"Yes but he's not!" I half yelped looking at the doorway Carlisle just disappeared through.  
"Then why are you crying?!"  
"I don't know!"  
Kate grabbed my wrist and pulled me into their bedroom, sitting me on their bed.  
"Does your leg hurt?" I shook my head.  
"Do you need to hunt?" I shook it again.  
"Did he say something to you? If he did I swear to God I'll –,"  
"HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" I screamed cutting her off.  
"THEN WHY ARE YOU CRYING!?" she repeated equally as loud.  
"I don't know!" She sighed and sat next to me, taking my hand and rubbing soothing circles into my palm. Her touch didn't have the same calming affect that his did the other night but it still helped.  
"So what did happen?"  
"Nothing," I mumbled looking away. This didn't feel like something I should talk to Kate about. She can't have believed me but didn't say anything else. She pulled me backwards and we just lay there in silence. Sleep threatened to overtake me. It hadn't been much but I felt emotionally drained, which of course was stupid because I didn't even know what was going on.

A while later Garrett came in. His shoulders were slumped forward and his gaze pointed downward. He looked upset and defeated. Kate sat up and made Garrett sit on the bed in between me and her. She hugged him and lent into her. I wondered if I should leave.  
"Katie, do you know where I put my phone?" he asked quietly. She laughed.  
"What did you tell Emmett before?"  
"That name's for my use only." He said matter of factly.  
"It's on the kitchen table, think. Do you want me to go get it?"  
"Yes please." He nodded.  
As soon as she had left the room he tuned to me.  
"I think you should go and see Carlisle," he whispered.  
"Um okay, but I didn't think he wanted to be around me before," I couldn't keep the disappointment from my voice.  
"He doesn't think he wants to now either, but subconsciously I think he does."  
"...Where is he?"  
" He SHOULD be in his room. If he's not, tell him that Heidi's going to eat him."  
"Okay…"  
"Just be careful, and um, try not to touch him. He's kind of… sore… at the moment. You'll probably have to force your way in, but try knocking, I doubt he'll open the door though." He held out a key. "And don't let Kate see you. Wait until she comes back and tell her you're going to bed or something."  
We both whispered throughout the entire conversation although I don't see why. Now I was more confused than ever.  
When Kate returned, I politely excused myself and headed down the hallway as quietly as my crutches allowed. I tightly gripped the key, assuming it was for breaking and entering if I needed to, though why Garrett had the key in the first place puzzled me.

I stood outside his door for a good thirty seconds before I knocked the first time. I don't know why but I was slightly scared of what I might find.  
"You can come in you know Garrett. You do have a key." His voice was barely audible. He sounded so broken. I slowly put the key in the lock and opened the door.


	6. truths

After I pushed open the door, I stared into the darkened room, waiting for my eye to adjust to the new lighting. He still hadn't looked up.  
"Garrett… I…don't want…to talk about this…okay…?" Carlisle's words were broken by quiet sobs. I stepped toward him. Maybe it was better if he thought I was Garrett, at least until I got in as it was unlikely that he would have let me in. He started at the noise of my crutches and then quickly looked down again.  
"I'm not Garrett," I told him, although he already knew. He laughed darkly, the sound was choked by tears.  
"…Didn't know you were going to get a sex change Gar. Is Katie into that kind of thing?" His voice was falsely happy. He remained looking down. Both he and I knew he was trying to hide emotions from me, but I don't know whether he knew he was failing.  
"Carlisle, are you okay?" the answer was obvious by it seemed like a good starting point.  
"Fine." He spoke in the same faked joy.  
"Look, I didn't mean to upset you before… I'm sorry if I caused this…" I was holding back my own tears.  
"Caused what? Shouldn't you be in bed? Your leg must be getting saw now," his voice became darker, his charade crumbling. He knew he wasn't fooling me.  
"I'm fine. YOUR not." I told him sternly. I desperately wanted someone to tell me what was going on, what I had done wrong. I ignored the throb of protest from my leg. I took another step toward him, screwing up me face to avoid crying out when a stab of pain shot up my leg. This apparently didn't escape his notice.  
"No you're not." He said the words coldly and pushed past me into the hallway. He made for the stairs. I made after him as fast as I could. _Stupid leg._ I was close to tears – both because of the pain and Carlisle's apparent resentment toward me.  
"Garrett said to tell you that if you didn't stay in your room, Heidi would eat you," I whispered, feeling like a child disobeying the rules. His conviction seemed to fade a little bit, like he was losing sight of the purpose of his actions. Now he just looked sad.  
"Tell Garrett to shove it up his –"  
"CARLISLE!" Esme growled from the bottom of the staircase. He flinched. I had never seen Esme fume like she was now. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?" I didn't think she was referring to his disobeying Garrett and Heidi.  
"Why do you care?" I had to strain to hear him. He sounded small and hurt.  
"Because if you do something stupid, **I** have to deal with it and my family doesn't need to deal with the Volturi right now." She was very close to him as she spat the words. He had his back pressed up against the wall and looked like he wanted to cry.  
"You think I want to be the way I am." It wasn't a question, more of a realisation. He visibly deflated. A spasm of hurt flashed across his face when she referred to the coven as "her" family, as if proving to him that he wasn't included. "I don't want to hurt people…" he whispered. Stunned, I looked at his eyes, they were still golden. He hadn't tasted human blood. He brought me animal blood the other day. So hurt People? I was confused.  
"THE ONLY PERSON YOU CARE IF YOU HURT OR IS GARRETT!" She screamed at him.  
"No…I –"  
"AND EVEN THAT DOSENT SEEM TO MATTER TO YOU ANYMORE! YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND HURT HIM TOO! YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF!" Her harsh words cut him off. Tears started to slide down his cheeks when she said he was hurting Garrett. He tried to push past her. She grabbed his wrist, squeezing it tightly. He whimpered and cried out. That shouldn't have hurt a vampire that much.  
"Please Esme…" he begged her. His voice was muffled.  
"YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH CARLISLE!" She bellowed, pushing his arm back into him. He stumbled back into the wall. His body was shaking with sobs threatening to break through.  
"I don't want to hurt-" Carlisle's voice wobbled slightly.  
"YES YOU DO! IT'S YOUR OWN CHOICE IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO, YOU WOULDN'T!" He whimpered, words that refused to form. I looked up, a majority of both covens looked back. None of the Cullens seemed willing to jump to Carlisle's defence, although Alice looked like she might burst into tears.  
"When we leave here, I don't care where you go, but you sure as hell aren't coming home with us." He words were quiet and filled with venom. He slid down the wall, and bent his knees to him chest, resting his head on them. He made no sound. One of his hands gripped the wrist Esme had grabbed. Crimson seeped through his fingers. Horror filled me. What had she done to him? I didn't know Esme could be so violent, I had never seen this side of her before.

Eleazar was the first one to move. He place on Carlisle's shoulder, bending down to his level.  
"Hey…dude…Carlisle…it's okay. You can stay with us." He looked back at me for approval. I pulled myself from my daze to nod at him. Carlisle remained silent and motionless. Esme looked me straight in the eye.  
"You don't want him. Nobody does." With that she spun on her heel. Garrett appeared directly in front of her. He looked thoroughly pissed off.  
"I think you should leave." His voice was controlled but deadly. Kate, standing a few feet away looked concerned but made no move to stop him. "Now."  
She just looked at him. He snapped.  
"ESME GET THE FUCK OUT!" He growled.  
She sighed as if he was asking her to do a chore she didn't want to.  
"Fine, come on you lot," she spoke motioning to the rest of the Cullens. The hesitated, then followed, all with matching shocked faces. Within minutes they were all gone. Garrett stood there seething, staring at the doorway she had just walked through.

After he had apparently recovered from his rage, he quickly moved to Carlisle's side who still hadn't moved or done anything. Garrett slowly pulled him to his feet and began coaxing him up the stairs. He seemed to be supporting most of his weight. Blood dripped through Carlisle's fingers. I saw Garrett grit his teeth when he noticed.  
Eleazar grabbed a towel and cleaned up the red puddle where he had been sitting. When he was done he turned to me. I had now recovered from shock and was blind with rage.  
"How did she make him bleed?" he asked. His voice was flat. I guessed he was mad as well.  
"She squeezed his arm." I replied curtly. His brow knotted in confusion.  
"I think you should probably go lie down," he looked pointedly at my leg. I nodded although I was still too angry to feeling anything. Eleazar apparently wasn't going to wait around for me to slowly climb the stairs –he swung me off my feet and carried me bridal style to my bed.  
"You gonna be okay?" he asked after settling me.  
"Yea, why?" I was still fuming.  
"It's never nice to see someone hurt your mate like that." I froze. He called Carlisle my mate. I searched his face for any suggestion that he was teasing me. I found none. I looked up at him.  
"What do you look scared for?" He laughed. "You two have a… 'thing' going don't you."  
"He's spoken to me like three times." I couldn't keep the sadness from my voice. "That's hardly a thing to me."  
"So? Compare how he responds to you and how he responds to everyone else, except Garrett of course." He was serious again.  
"He's just trying to be helpful." Eleazar just raised his eyebrows at me.  
"Carlisle's your mate and you know it, Tanya. Why else would you have such a strong reaction when he was upset."  
"Because what Esme did was horrible," I tried to convince myself. "he didn't deserve that."  
"But do you actually know the full story? You were very quick to take Carlisle's side."  
"NO, BUT SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE ATTACKED HIM LIKE THAT. She could have – did – hurt him." By the end of the sentence I was whispering.  
"Okay, okay, okay. Look, I didn't mean to upset you, I was just trying to get you to see what I see." With that he got up and left.

I struggled to sleep. As soon as I had calmed down enough to be aware of anything else, I felt the fire burning on my leg. I desperately tried to remember whether I had already taken any pain relief. I couldn't remember anything other than the fight, the blood and the look on Carlisle's face as Esme delivered the blows. I could feel myself becoming worked up again. The pain was defiantly worse than the night before. I didn't want to go back to the doctors again. I was scared – terrified even. I didn't think I'd ever admitted it to anybody before, not even Kate, but I had a strong phobia of needles and couldn't stand to even look at them. I decided I would suffer in silence.  
At 3 am I could take more pain killers. It was just past 1 now. _You can wait that long Tanya, you're an adult, _I told myself. The pain was getting more intense. Every minuet seemed to be dragging on longer than the last. I fought to stay quiet.  
"Tanya…?" I heard a quiet voice ask outside the door. "Are you awake?" I nodded, and then felt stupid realising that he couldn't see me.  
"Yes," I squeaked, trying not to cry. Slowly the door opened. Even slower, Carlisle approached me. He held out his hand and I took its contents, already knowing what was inside. I was overly grateful for it.  
He still looked sad, which made sense, but now scared as well. He turned to leave.  
"Carlisle… will you…will you stay?" I asked cautiously.  
"I don't think Garrett would let me leave…" he mumbled. He started toward the door again.  
"No, I mean stay…with me?" my voice was low. He nodded slowly, shock evident on his face. He stayed standing in the doorway, but faced me now. He looked uncomfortable. I patted the bed next to me, trying to get him to move. Slowly, he came and sat next to me, facing slightly away. What Eleazar had said suddenly popped into my head. I shoved it out.  
We sat in silence for a while until a sudden stab of pain caused me to groan.  
"Your leg…?"  
I nodded, biting my lip.  
"Do you think maybe you should go see a doctor again?"  
"NO!" I was quick to answer him. "No, I – "  
I started hyperventilating and burst into tears, me fear taking control of me. My fists grabbed handfuls of sheets and I felt like the room was closing in around me.  
"Tanya… Hey… slow down," his voice was soft, comforting. He gently peeled my fingers away from the sheets and pushed me back into my mattress. Even through my panic I was fully aware that his lips were only inches from mine.  
Tears streamed down my face and sobs wracked my body. To my surprise, he didn't attempt to distract me, but just waited, holding my hand. When I had calmed enough to breath, he began talking to me.  
"What's so immensely petrifying about Heidi?" he asked softly.  
"Nothing…" I whispered back.  
"Then why are you crying?"  
"Because… Because…Because." I finished. I wasn't about to tell him why when he was finally having an actual conversation with me because he would laugh and the leave for sure. I felt like crying again.  
"Okay then," he sat straighter on the bed. "Truth for a truth."  
"What?" I was about to laugh at the fact he wanted to play such a childish game. Especially at 1 am in the morning.  
"You tell me the truth to why you don't want to go to the doctors, and then I'll answer one of your questions in return." I stared at him. He was fighting a smile. I was grinning back like an idiot.  
"Promise not laugh and run away," I whispered. He squeezed my hand in response. "I'm scared of needles." My voice was even quieter than the first time; I'm surprised he heard at all. It was such a stupid thing for a vampire to be scared of – we were supposed to be tough, indestructible even. I waited for him to laugh. He didn't.  
"So you don't want to go because you're scared you'll need an injection." There was no humour in his voice.  
"And because then I'll have to tell Kate why I'm scared." I stared down.  
"So… what if I took you, since I already know?" he asked shyly. I looked up at him. Suddenly going on the two day trip to Italy didn't seem so bad, even if needles were involved. I tried to look as though I hadn't instantly made up my mind.  
I nodded carefully.  
"Okay, now I get to ask you something, right?"  
"Yes…" he pulled a face, obviously not looking forward to it.  
"Well then…" I racked my brain for the right question. There were many. I decided to ask an obvious one, especially since it was then one bugging me since Eleazar was in here. "Who is your mate… or um, girlfriend?"  
"Anything but that," he when red and looked away.  
"Okay fine…" _Damn._ "I'm scared of needles, what are you scared of?"  
"Don't laugh…" he smiled. "Okay, feel free to laugh cause it is kind of funny considering my, um, our, situation." I could tell he was fighting back his own laughter. I raised my eyebrows at him. "I'm scared of blood… every time I see it I want to pass out or throw up or something."  
His words hung in the air. Suddenly, we both burst out laughing. It felt good, especially because this was the first time I had seen him genuinely happy like this and I was part of it. 

After it had died down, he looked at the clock.  
"I should probably let you sleep…" the same fear was back on his face, as though something terrible were about to happen to him. He got up and made to leave. I realised that I really didn't want him to.  
"Stay here a bit longer?" I asked him. He seemed to relax a little as he sat down on my bed again.  
"I'm sorry that she did that to you," I told him quietly after a long pause. A tear slid down his cheek. He wiped it away but it was quickly replaced by another. I knew he was trying his best not to lose control of his emotions. Something inside of me ached when I saw him upset like this. I moved closer to him, seeing if he would move away. He stayed where he was.  
Slowly, I curled my arm around his waist, again waiting for him to reject me. He stiffened at first, sitting bolt upright, then he relaxed and lent into me. I hugged him closer, enjoying the feel of his warmth. He seemed calmer than he was before.  
I pulled us both backwards until we were lying side by side. I still had my arm around him. I was amazed at how skinny he actually was. Vampires were always slim, but never like this, it had to be unhealthy.  
I slid my arm out from underneath him and took his hand, weaving my fingers through his. He seemed relaxed, almost like normal vampire would.  
"Hey Carlisle?" my thoughts were clouded by sleep.  
"Yeah?" he mumbled.  
"How old are you, i mean like physically, like when you were changed?" I had no idea where that question came from before I asked it.  
"Sixteen."


	7. Scars

**A/N: No copyright infringement intended throughout any of this story, the characters are not mine.**

**Reviews… please? I would just like to know what people actually think of this story, I knows it kind of different and that not many other people have done this couple, so Please?  
Tanya POV**

The next morning I awoke alone. Part of me knew that he would leave but I was still disappointed. I imagined he would have gone as soon as I was asleep.  
I carefully made my way down to the kitchen, briefly wondering how Carlisle was coping this morning. The sound of Kate and Garrett fighting interrupted my thoughts.  
Entering the room, I discovered it was more of a playful fight than a serious one. Garrett was sitting at the table, holding a spoon and leaning over a bowl, yelling abuses at Kate. I could tell that he wasn't really mad as his insults were weak. Kate on the other hand, was doubled-over laughing. As I hobbled over to them Garrett dropped the spoon and shoved the plate away, pulling a face. I raised an eyebrow in question.  
"She made me eat cereal," He mumbled through a full mouth, pointing at Kate. I wondered why we even had that stuff in the house.  
"Oh come on, its not that bad," she giggled at him.  
"YOU EAT IT THEN!" He half laughed, half growled at her. She took a piece of the disgusting stuff and gingerly put it in her mouth. To her credit, she did not screw up her face as Garrett had.  
"Why…?" I asked them.  
"Cause we're playing dares and he lost." Kate informed me. I nodded like it was normal for vampires to be doing this at 7 in the morning.  
"How's your leg?" Kate asked. I shrugged.  
"I think it's getting worse."  
"Shouldn't we go to the doctors then!?" I could already hear panic in her voice. "We could leave right now and be there by –"  
"Kate." Garrett interrupted her. "Calm down." His tone was stern, like someone in authority, not someone whose girlfriend just forced them to eat cereal against their will.  
"Actually, um… I'm going later… with Carlisle…" Both of them looked as though I'd told them I was pregnant with an alien child. Garrett recovered first.  
"He didn't tell me that." I couldn't tell whether the hurt in his voice was genuine or faked. He then darted up stairs, I assumed to bug Carlisle.

"Shall we go soon?" A quiet voice behind me asked.  
"Yes!" I said eagerly. I immediately felt embarrassed when I realised that there was nothing I wanted more at that point than to spend time alone with him. I kidded myself that I also wanted to get away from the raucous of Eleazar, Garrett and Carmen playing board games in the living room – and presumably, Eleazar moving Garrett's piece backwards without him knowing. Except he apparently knew. The look on Carlisle's face told me he didn't want to get dragged into it. Both of the other men looked up at him seeking his final decision to end the argument.  
"What about now?" He whispered to me desperately.  
"Fine by me," I laughed. Garrett pouted and Eleazar grinned at him.  
"Thank God," Carmen murmured. Within minutes, we had collected the few items we needed for the trip and hurrying out the door. The entire family looked at us suspiciously. Carlisle seemed to be avoiding making eye contact with Garrett who looked putout.

"So now it's my turn, right?" he broke the silence that had enveloped us ever since we had started driving.  
"What?" I asked confused. His voice startled me and I jumped in my seat.  
"Last night you asked me a question, now I get to ask you one?" his voice was light but he still seemed nervous, less so though than when he was around everyone else.  
"Go on then," I laughed, still amused that he wanted to play this game, but mostly just pleased that he was acknowledging our little "meeting" like it held some importance to him. Even if he was just faking interest in me to keep the conversation going. I was curious about him though so maybe playing along would serve a purpose, other than crushing the awkwardness, as I could question him in return.  
"Where were you born?" he must have thought of the question before as he didn't pause to think.  
"Slovakia." Why he wanted to know that I would never know.  
"And you were changed by?"  
"Sasha. Wait, that's two!"  
"Who's counting?" He grinned at me.  
"Me. Now it's my turn."  
"Fine." I thought for a moment.  
"You knew Garrett before you were changed?" I was unsure where I was going with this.  
"Yes." He said simply. I waited, signalling him to keep going. He sighed and the continued.  
"He'd been my best friend since we were about five and we were in most of the same classes at school, and he lived across the road from me." He paused. "But when I became a vampire and left, I assumed he died like a normal – mortal – person and hadn't even thought about him being a vampire until a few days ago."  
"When you were in hospital?"  
"Yep." By the sound of his last reply I guessed I shouldn't go close to that topic.  
We fell silent again and I tried not to focus on the intense burning my leg. I remembered that I had been so full of the anticipation of being alone with him, that I forgot to take any pain relief that morning. Every little bump in the road that even slightly jarred my leg caused it to spasm with pain. I gritted my teeth to prevent me from making any noise alerting him to my situation.

As we entered the airport gates, I couldn't stop the sigh of relief that escaped me. Carlisle glanced at me curiously.  
"Do you not enjoy traveling with silent companions?" He asked, teasing.  
"No! I mean yes! I mean I –you –" I started, hating the thought of him thinking I didn't like spending time with his, even if it was in silence. I tried again, attempting to keep my voice from sounding strained from pain.  
"No, I don't mind, sometimes I prefer it," I said stupidly.  
"You should get a cat then." He said it as if it were an obvious fact as he exited the car. He came around and opened my door for me as I sat there dumbfounded. Suddenly, I saw how him and Garrett got along so well.  
"Are you coming, or am I going by myself?" I realised he was still waiting for me to get out of the car. Taking his outstretched hand, I let him carefully pull me to my feet. Slowly, we made our way to our terminal. With each step I took I winced in pain, causing our progress to become slower and slower. He seemed to notice my struggle and carefully put his arm around my waist, supporting most of my weight. I leant into him, gratefully accepting his help. And immensely surprised he was touching me.  
We only had minutes to spare as we boarded the plane. Once again, we struggled to make conversation. I stared out the window, thinking longingly of the medicine I knew Heidi would give me. The pain wasn't so bad in the air though, mostly I think, because the ride was a lot smoother. I looked over at Carlisle; he was absorbed in some book, seemingly unaware of his surroundings. His perfectly straight hair had fallen across his face creating a curtain between us, and effectively cutting off my opportunity to study him without him knowing. I mentally slapped myself as I realised that's exactly what I would have been doing if I could have. As the flight attendant walked past, he glanced up, folding his legs beneath him and placing his hands in his lap so she couldn't touch him as she passed us. I forced myself to look out the window so as not to get caught staring.

As night fell, we pulled up in front of our hotel. Again he helped me from the car, and again I accepted it even though I was more than capable of doing it myself.  
I stood and took in the office foyer as he went and sorted out rooms with the receptionist. I hated that it was room_s_ and not just a room.  
In the background, I could hear Carlisle and the girl behind the desk "debating" something. The harsh tone she responded to him in made anger boil inside me. It was all I could not to walk over the and slap her. I also wondered how he wasn't stuttering like he usually would have been. Eventually, she slammed a key on to the desk and sighed heavily. As he turned, she glared at his retreating figure and mumbled _asshole _under her breath. I stifled a giggle.  
"What was that about?" I asked him as he approached. He looked amused.  
"What was what about?" His tone was overly innocent. I rolled my eyes at him as he handed me the key. _There was only one key._ Excitement fluttered in my chest. I squashed it down.  
"There weren't many other rooms left so she gave us one with two beds," he explained. I hated the disappointment I felt about the last bit. I followed him to the lift.  
"How's your leg?" He asked once we were inside. As much as appreciated his concern, I was really getting sick of this question.  
"How's your arm?" I replied. It threw him off. He looked startled and nervously pulled the at edges of his long sleeves.  
"What?" I could hear surprise and fear in his voice.  
"When Es- When she grabbed your wrist the other day you bled."  
"And? Its fine." His tone was stern but his voice lacked conviction. He walked out of the lift ahead of me and opened our door. Immediately, he dumped his stuff on the single bed and sat on the edge of it, not making eye contact with me. I noticed he conveniently avoided the double bed, I assumed so that I couldn't sit near him unless he allowed me too. I put my things on the floor and turned to him.  
" Carlisle. Vampires do not bleed just because someone put a bit of pressure on their wrist." I was completely unsure why I was confronting him. He was staring at the floor.  
"Um… I just cut myself the other day. Its fine, it doesn't matter," his voice was quiet and held a note of fear. I sighed in relief, glad it was nothing more than a cut.  
I lay back on my bed, happy to be resting my leg after the long day. Eventually, he moved from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. He returned a few minutes later, dressed in the same clothes but with damp hair, settled back onto his bed and became absorbed in his book. I wondered how much of the next day were going to be spent in silence.  
A while later, the book hit the floor with a sharp thump as Carlisle sat up abruptly. He sat forward and began searching through his bag. Apparently finding what he wanted, he disappeared into the bathroom again. I watched him curiously. Seconds later he was back.  
"Um…?" I looked at him.  
"What?" He answered, spinning around in a full circle in an attempt to see what I was questioning. I found it kind of sweet that he found nothing unusual about his behaviour.  
"Nothing," I smiled at him. He just raised his eye brows and sat on his bed, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms self-consciously and smiled back.  
"What's your favourite colour?" he asked after a pause.  
"Really?" _why the hell would he want to know that.  
_"I guess so." He seemed to have surprised himself.  
"Green."  
"Why?"  
"I DON'T KNOW!" I exclaimed bursting into laughter. I didn't realise favourite colours got that deep. I thought for a moment. "Because it's a natural colour, like the colour of the bush around where I grew up, I guess. It's the colour of home." He nodded, probably thinking I had gone completely insane. _At least he didn't laugh._  
"What's yours?" I asked, attempting to take his mind off it.  
"White," he answered after thinking for a bit.  
"That's funny considering you dress in black," I added sarcastically. "Anyway, that's a shade."  
"Oh my God YOU SOUND LIKE GARRETT!" he burst into hysterics and rolled onto the floor. I couldn't see him from where I lay on my bed. I wondered if he meant that as an insult.  
"I'm gonna tell him that when we get home," I mumbled.  
"What's your favourite book?" He asked suddenly, jumping up.  
"I don't know."  
"What's your favourite movie then?"  
"I don't know."  
"What's your favourite band?"  
"I DON'T KNOW! STOP CARLISLE! Go to bed!" I laughed. I liked seeing this side of him. He was never like this around the others at home. It almost felt like a privilege.  
"Fine," he mumbled. I laughed harder when he did in fact get on his bed. "What are you, my mother?" he asked. I rolled my eyes. I had almost forgotten the pain in my leg.  
"Why are you and Garrett still so close, even after all this time apart?" I asked after a gap in the conversation.  
"Because…" he seemed to be trying to find the correct way to word it. "Because I owe him my life." The joking was completely gone from his voice.  
"…What do you mean?" I wondered if this was actually an appropriate subject – I didn't want to pry.  
"He… Saved my life." Carlisle didn't sound altogether pleased about it.  
"And what? You feel like you're in debt to him?"  
"Kind of I guess. But at the time I didn't want to live." I struggled to hear his voice it was so quiet. He sounded so guilty, so sad. I wondered if hugging him would be over stepping the line. I guessed so. Eventually I fell asleep, still thinking about what Carlisle just told me. It wasn't as if it was a big deal, it was just that it was something personal to him. _That meant he trusted me a bit, right?  
_ As I fell asleep, I knew he was still awake.

I sat bolt upright in the bed as the shrill buzzing of my phone alarm sounded. Fumbling to turn the horrible noise off, I heard Carlisle mumble something that sounded like the 'f' word. He pulled the blankets over his head like a child would have, trying to avoid getting up and going to school. I giggled.  
"Come on, get up. We'll be late!" I told him as I hobbled to the bathroom to get changed. He didn't move. My leg was defiantly getting worse. I gulped down some painkillers to avoid it becoming unbearable before we got to the doctors.  
When I came back into the bedroom, Carlisle was sitting on the edge of his bed. He looked exhausted.  
"What time did you get to sleep?" I asked him, concern niggling in a corner of my mind.  
He hesitated before answering me. "Last time I looked at the clock was about 4:30," he mumbled. It was 6 now.  
"You can stay here and I'll go by myself," I told him. He shook his head, still looking half asleep.  
"I'll take you Tanya, I wouldn't make you go by yourself." His voice was scratchy and his words slurred together slightly. I worried for him. My appointment was at seven, so I tried to calculate if he could go back to sleep any longer. There wasn't really time.  
After sitting around for another half an hour, it was time to leave. I looked over at Carlisle. He was still sitting on his bed, leaning against the wall.  
I was 90% sure he was asleep until he mumbled "I think we should leave. We're going to be late." He opened his eyes and sat forward, seemingly bracing himself against the bed. Slowly he got up. I didn't think he looked steady.  
As we made our way down the hallway to the lift, he supported most of my weight so that I didn't have to put much pressure on my leg which was now sheer agony. Although I was grateful for his help, I was mostly just enjoying the contact with him. Everywhere my bare skin met his, it tingled.  
When we were in the lift, he lent heavily against the wall. He was several shades paler than he usually was. I wondered if it should be me helping him, not the other way around. The concern pushed forward again.  
"Are you sure you don't want to stay here? I'll be fine by myself," I told him even though it was a lie. Again, he just shook his head. _At least we were going to a doctor's clinic,_ I thought to myself.

As the nurse pulled the curtain closed, I began to feel a familiar anxiety begin to build in my chest. I could feel my breath become quicker and more laboured. A lump formed in my throat. Tears began slithering down my face, leaving wet paths in their wake. I felt a hand squeeze mine and realised Carlisle was sitting next to me on the bed.  
"They haven't even brought the damn thing in yet," he tried to joke with me. The tiredness in his voice made it pointless. Nevertheless though, my fear was immediately replaced by worry for him. I knew he was saying something to me but all I noticed was how terrible he looked. I mean he was still as attractive as usual, but he just looked ill.  
"Are you sure it's me that should be seeing the doctor and not you?" I asked, interrupting him. He gave a weak smile in return.  
It was then the curtain was ripped back along the rails and the pushy nurse from before barged in.  
"The _doctor_ wants me to take the cast off before she sees you," she sneered the word. She pushed in between us, forcing Carlisle off the bed. He stood against the wall. The nurse then roughly grabbed my leg and heaved it onto the bed. Pain ripped through me and a gasp escaped for my lips. My eyes burned and I tried not to cry. I wouldn't let the hag have the satisfaction. She spun around.  
"Get out." She said harshly to Carlisle. I didn't know whether he was actually capable of moving.  
"No, he's fine here," I said quickly, praying he wouldn't go both for his sake and mine.  
"Out!" she said again. This time he began to move. He ran his hand along the wall for support. I really didn't see why he had to leave in the first place – he wasn't in the way and I wasn't about to get undressed.  
"He can stay." My tone matched hers. At that moment, Heidi appeared.  
"What's the problem here?" She looked between me, Carlisle and the nurse.  
"He should leave…" the nurse said, sounding unsure of herself now her superior has present. Carlisle's knees seemed to buckle under him, and he lent against the wall for support. Heidi saw this too and grabbed him, obviously thinking he would fall. He jerked under her touch. She murmured something too low for me to hear to him and he shook his head.  
"Go get a chair." She said sharply to the nurse who had tried to slink unnoticed from the room.  
"I'm not your sla-"  
"Go and get a chair." Heidi said sharply, cutting her off. This time, she hurried away. Heidi looked at me and gave me a brief, tight smile. She seemed to be supporting most of his weight. He looked barely conscious.  
A chair was shoved into the room through the curtain. Heidi rolled her eyes. She then pushed the chair under Carlisle and made him sit, or more like just let go of him. After making sure he was, in fact, going to stay upright, she turned to me.  
"So, what can I do for you?" Her voice had lost its edge and was now overly cherry.  
"Um… my leg hurts. More than it should I think." _That's an understatement._  
"Sound familiar Carlisle?" She said over her shoulder. He mumbled something in response. I raised my eyebrows in question. She laughed. "Ask him later." She produced a tool and carefully began cutting through the cast, much more gently than the nurse. She then began inspecting the leg. It was then I made the mistake of sitting up to look. The wound where they had cut into the leg to put the bone back in place was raw and swollen. Blood played around the edges of the cut and spilled down the sides of my ankle. Immediately, my head swam and my stomach turned. I looked over at Carlisle. He seemed to be making an effort not to look. Heidi noticed where my gaze was aimed.  
"If he looks, he'll be on the floor in seconds. Either that or pukeing his guts out." I laughed even though I hoped that wouldn't happen to him. He looked like he was smiling too.  
"Thanks for that Heidi," he said quietly. She rolled her eyes.  
"Okay," she said, turning back to me. "This is infected. Whatever imbecile put your stitches in should be fired immediately."  
"So..?" I asked hesitantly. She laughed again.  
"You don't need an injection. But this may sting a little." She then began cleaning the wound with some kind of liquid on a cotton pad. I lay back down and tried to ignore the horrible sensation this created. It did more that 'sting a little'.  
After she was done, she re-wrapped my leg and replaced the cast. The new one was much more comfortable. Handing me a prescription she whispered "If you don't mind, I'd just like to talk to him for a minute."  
"That's fine," I said unsure of why she was asking my permission anyway. She helped him up and took him out of the room. A few minutes later he returned looking nervous, sick, unsure of himself, and altogether ready to go home.  
"Tanya," Heidi said hesitantly. "I just thought I should um… warn you, that the cut will probably leave quite a bad scar… because of the infection…" I deflated as her words sank in. I had hoped that it wouldn't leave any mark at all. I know it was petty, but I was suddenly filled with anger at the surgeon who stuffed it up. I was also filled with fear and disappointment. _Why would any vampire in their right mind choose me as a mate when they could have another perfect someone?_ I was going to be judged, I knew it. Not by my family at home I didn't think, but by strangers. There was nothing I hated more than judgement.  
I was pulled from my panicked thoughts when Carlisle sat on the bed, taking my hand. I stared at my lap. If I didn't before; I knew I didn't have a chance with him now. I fought back tears.  
"Tanya? I want to show you something…" I heard uncertainty and pure fear in his voice. " But… I don't want you to um… not look at me the same because of it…" his voice grew quieter toward the end. I looked up at him. He seemed fully alert now, but he still looked exhausted and unwell. Slowly he took his hand from mine. With the other, he began to slowly roll back his sleeve, avoiding eye contact with me. His arm was still faced down.  
"Promise?" He asked quietly. His voice was uneven. I nodded, still not trusting my own words but intrigued by what he was attempting to do. He took a deep breath and hesitantly turned his arm over. I looked down from his face at it.  
Thick, uneven, snake-like lines ran the length of what I could see. They were purplish in colour. _Scars._ He was looking away from me. I realised that he was intensely uncomfortable and that this was hard for him, but that he was doing it in an attempt to make me feel better. I had never loved him more.  
Then it all sunk in. How he said he had 'just cut himself the other day' when I asked he about the blood. How he said that Garrett had saved his life but he didn't want to be saved. Why he always wore long sleeves. I didn't want to think about why Carlisle would hurt himself like this – they would have been deep cuts.  
"When you were in hospital, was it because you hurt yourself?" I asked softly. I wasn't sure he would answer. He nodded, pulling his sleeve back down and staring at his hands. He looked like he was about to cry.  
"I tried to overdose…" his voice sounded thick and broke at the end. A tear slide down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away. He stood, obviously about to leave. I grabbed his hand and he looked up surprised.  
"You still….you still want me to stay?" Shock was evident in his voice.  
"Of course." I tried to keep my tone light.  
"But… Why? The only person who hasn't… run from me… is Garrett..." I suddenly understood why they were so close, even after his explanation.  
"Because I… I really like you Carlisle." _What an understatement._


	8. Sick

**Tanya POV**

We had been on the plane for about half an hour now, and away from the doctors for around three. Carlisle had said little ever since we left. He just stared at his lap, hiding behind his hair and avoiding eye contact with me. I knew he was still waiting for me to leave. I didn't plan on it.  
I sighed. At least my leg felt a hell of a lot better. It didn't burn or throb any more, although standing without crutches still wasn't an option.  
This time it was me who sat by the isle. He sat with his back up against the window, completely defeating the purpose of sitting there for the view. He looked pale and like he wasn't feeling very well. I reached out for his hand, wondering if he was nervous about flying and trying to comfort him. Before I touched him though, he turned and slouched in the seat, folding both of his arms across his stomach. He whimpered slightly and bit his lip.  
"Are you okay?" I asked him, although the question should have been 'what's the matter' as he was obviously not. He looked up at me.  
"Um…" He said quietly. He shook his head and moved to sit bolt upright. He still had his arms curled around himself. I frowned, trying to figure out what could be wrong.  
"What's wrong then?" I asked gently. He swallowed hard and hugged himself tighter, hunching forward slightly. Again he just shook his head.  
Suddenly, he leapt up and pushed past me. He moved a little fast than we should in front of humans and had his hand pressed over his mouth. The flight attendant mumbled something rude as he pushed past her. He made no effort to avoid touching her, odd for him. She flattened herself against a row of seats to allow him to pass her in the narrow aisle. I heard a door slam as Carlisle disappeared from sight.  
I sat in my seat for another couple of minutes, unsure of what to do, not knowing where he had gone. Slowly I got up. I neglected my crutches and used the back of the chairs to support myself.  
"Where did he go?" I asked the flight attendant.  
"To the bathroom, I think." She didn't snap at me like I thought she was going to. Instead she looked dazed.  
"Thanks," I said and made my way down the aisle.  
I found the bathroom door slightly ajar and hesitantly pushed on it.  
"Carlisle?"  
"Tanya… go awa-" His voice was cut off as he gagged. I opened the door fully. He was standing leaning over the sink. Both his hands gripped the edge of it so tightly that his knuckles were white.  
He tried again. "Go away, you don't need to see this." His voice shook. He leant forward again and was sick in the sink. When he was done, he rinsed his mouth out with water. It was pointless though, because as soon as he was done, Carlisle was threw up again, this time more violently than the last. He choked and coughed. I felt helpless. No one in our coven had ever gotten sick like this before.  
Suddenly, his legs buckled under him. He tried to support himself with the sink, but failed and collapsed. I grabbed him before he hit the floor, preventing him from hitting the ground as hard. I was shocked by how light he was. He groaned and sat forward, resting his head on his knees. I wished that we were flying to Italy instead of away from it.  
I crouched down beside him the best I could. "We need to move or the flight attendants are going to panic. Carlisle, are you going to throw up again?"  
"I don't know," he whimpered.  
"Can you stand?" he nodded and carefully began getting up. When he was standing, he folded one arm around his stomach and used the other to steady himself as we returned to our seats. He looked like he was in pain. I stood behind him, unsure of what I would do if he fell again but planning to break his fall. I cursed my leg.  
"Wait, you sit on the end," I told him. He waited while I sat down, and then sat beside me. Again, he sat as straight as he could. After a few minutes, he readjusted his position. Immediately afterwards, he moved again, fighting to find a comfortable way to sit. I looked at his face. He looked close to tears and I guessed he was hurting alot. He wrapped both arms around himself and completely doubled-over, seemingly giving up his search for comfort.  
I racked my brain for a way to make him feel better and came up dry. I spontaneously wished I could talk to Garrett. I thought that he would know what to do because I had no idea how to deal with Carlisle – I was scared to touch him in case he freaked out. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed the flight attendant studying us, obviously thinking we were acting oddly. She was beginning to notice that we were different, or at least that he was sick. The last thing we needed right now was her to come over here and try to be helpful. I couldn't risk us being exposed.  
"Carlisle, you need to sit up," I whispered low enough so that only he would hear. Slowly, he obeyed me order. His fingers gripped the seat tightly. I hated making him do it if it hurt him but it was necessary. He looked tired again and seemed to be struggling to stay awake.  
"I think I'm gonna pass out," he mumbled. His words were heavily slurred.  
"Do you feel sick?" I tried to think of the right questions to ask.  
He nodded. "Yeah, but I don't think I'm going to _be_ sick." He gasped and sat straighter. I was beginning to panic.  
"Do you get motion sickness?" I sensed my voice becoming higher.  
"Not like this."  
"What can I do to help you?" I squeaked.  
"Calm down," he mumbled back. I tried. He leant back in his seat, trying to straighten himself as much as possible. He looked like he needed to lie down. I was sure he was getting paler by the second. We still had quite a long time to go before we could get off the plane. He slumped sideways, I didn't know if he was still conscious.  
"Carlisle…?" I reached out and touched his shoulder. He groaned in reply. I could feel the heat of him coming through his jacket. I quickly pushed his hair out of the way and held my hand against his forehead. He half-heartedly tried to bat my hand away. His temperature was unbelievably high.  
"Carlisle! Can you hear me?" I was panicking.  
"Please don't yell," he begged. My voice was barely raised. He whimpered.  
"Does you head hurt, do you have a headache?" he nodded. I needed to find a way to cool him down. Immediately. I could feel that he was going to black out any second. I also knew it was dangerous for vampires to become too warm. He was boiling hot. I grabbed his arms and pushed back his sleeves as far as they would go. He tried to stop me. Both of our actions were pointless.  
"It's for your own good," I told him, reminding myself of my mother. My mother I couldn't remember until now. _This is no time to get sentimental Tanya._  
I suddenly had an idea. I was cold. I sat sideways as much as I could and then reached to pull him back onto me. He didn't struggle as much as I thought he would. Instead, he gave in and leant against me. I wrapped my arms around him, trying both to keep him from sitting up and to cool him. He didn't even try to move. I could feel his whole body trembling because of the fever.  
"Are you still awake?" I asked gently. He squirmed against me, trying to get up. I held onto him, gripping his arms tightly. I knew the contact was upsetting him, but I couldn't think of anything else to do.  
Eventually, he gave up, and to my intense surprise, snuggled into me. I hated myself for enjoying it. _It's only because ,you're cold. He doesn't actually want to be touching you,"_ I reminded myself. I pushed my luck anyway, fully expecting to be rejected, and slid my arms carefully around his waist. Again he shocked me, placing his arms over mine and pulling me closer to him. I fought back a smile. The flight attendant gave me a look that said 'wait until you're off the plane to have sex', and walked off. I didn't know whether to be embarrassed or delighted that she thought we were a couple. My head choose the later.  
I could feel his temperature coming down some and he was shaking less. I hated to admit that I was slightly disappointed because that meant I had no excuse to keep him lying on me.  
"Please don't tell Garrett about this," he said quietly, more coherent than last time he spoke. My heart sank receiving proof that he really didn't like me, even to the point he didn't want anyone to know about this. "He'll freak out if he knows him sick and probably make me go back to Italy. He's worse than my mother." Relief flooded through me as I realised he didn't care he was touching me.  
"You should have seen him when Kate got a cold," I joked, trying to keep the pleasure out of my tone. He laughed. I could hear the exhaustion in it. He began moving and I was sure he was about to get up. Instead, he just changed position so that he was facing me more. I fought to keep a smile from creeping across my face.  
"I think the flight attendant is concerned for all the children on board because of us," he said, smiling slightly in spite of his situation. I grinned back nodding.  
A while later, a light flashed on and we were instructed to put our seatbelts on. Carlisle slowly sat up, looking reluctant. I begged that the movement of the landing wouldn't make him sick again. I sat upright beside him. He looked nervous. I pressed my hand against his and he took it.  
"You okay?" I asked hesitantly.  
"For now," he replied, swallowing hard. He didn't install much confidence in me of him not pukeing. As we hit the tarceal he put his free hand over his mouth but wasn't sick. He looked as relieved as I felt at being so close to home.  
Then I realised something. Worry sank to the pit of my stomach.  
"Carlisle, how are we going to get home? I can't drive with my leg…" He grimaced and bit his lip.  
"Then I'll drive." He didn't sound sure. It didn't sound like a good idea. "It's not that far." It sounded like he was trying to convince himself rather than me.  
"We could get a taxi," I said, feeling stupid the minuet I realised that that would risk exposure. "Or um… call Eleazar? He would probably come get us." Carlisle shook his head.  
"I'll drive. We'll live," he sounded convincing but looked unsure. I shrugged.  
"Okay then, if you think so." I just hoped he didn't pass out while driving – he still didn't look steady. We headed toward the collection point.


	9. Cuts and Promises

Although the drive was uneventful, by the time we got home Carlisle was as white as a sheet and his temperature had returned along with his trembling. _There's no way he's hiding this from Garrett,_ I thought as we pulled into the driveway.  
On opening the front door, we were confronted with the scene of Eleazar kissing Carmen passionately on the couch. They immediately shot away from each other when the realised we were back. Carmen laughed, probably at her husband who had turned a lovely shade of scarlet. She herself seemed unaffected by their situation. Carlisle looked more awkward than usual.  
"Could have been worse," Carmen giggled and began pulling Eleazar upstairs, presumably to their bedroom. He seemed eager to get away from us. I rolled my eyes at them and looked up at Carlisle.  
"You need to go to bed." I told him sternly. He nodded slowly and carefully made his way upstairs, gripping the banister tightly.

Suddenly, the door flew open and Kate skipped in, closely followed by Garrett. Both of them were covered in leaves and twigs and I didn't want to know what they had been doing. Kate wrapped her arms around me, enclosing me in a tight hug.  
"I missed you!" She squealed, barely able to contain her excitement. She reminded me of a kittle kid excited to their parents when they came home from work Sometimes her enthusiasm got on my nerves.  
"I haven't even been gone two days Kate." I said flatly. Her smile fell and she moved to stand next to Garrett. He looked out alienated by her excitement.  
"I'm just pleased to see you," she lips quivered and I could see tears welling in her eyes. Garrett put his arm around her, rubbing her side. He seemed as confused as me by her mood swing.  
"Come on, you know I didn't mean it like that," I said hobbling toward her and taking her hands in mine. She seemed to brighten a bit.  
"Is Carmen upstairs?" she asked, excitement returning.  
"Ah, yeah, but she's with Eleazar and you probably don't want to dist-" she was gone, prancing up the stairs. Garrett looked from her to me and shrugged.  
"She's been like that all morning. It's like walking on egg shells; the slightest little thing makes her upset. I don't understand…" He trailed off, looking up the stairs where Kate had gone in wonder. I laughed at his expression.  
"She's fine. She's just, well, Kate," I struggled for a better sentence.  
"Yeah, but she's never like this," he said, walking away. I briefly wondered if I was the only sane one in the house.

Awhile later I heard Garrett scolding Carlisle and guessed he had been found out. He must have known he couldn't hide it. Someone spoke harshly and someone else whimpered.  
"Garrett…" I heard Carlisle say quietly.  
"JUST STOP!" He growled back, sounding like he was in tears. Although curiosity swelled within me, I retreated to my room in an attempt to protect their privacy.

Sleep had almost taken of when Kate bounded in and leapt on my bed. Although my leg felt better and I had had pain killers, the sharp movement she caused was still agony. I swore.  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you!" her words came out in a rush and she burst into tears. _Is everyone in this house crying today!?  
_"Kate," I sighed, pulling in against my side and making her lie with me. She quickly calmed. I understood what Garrett was talking about.  
"Did you have a nice trip?" she asked, mischief in her voice.  
"Yes." I tried to close the subject, knowing she was baiting me.  
"I heard you guys slept in the same room." _Here we go._  
"What are we, teenagers? That doesn't mean anything. We were in different beds anyway!" she smiled at me, knowing that I was defending myself because I would have preferred it if we weren't.  
"How do I know that though?"  
"Because I said so." I could tell she was having fun.  
"I mean, I suppose it wasn't anything special, just a guy and a girl alone in a room together for an entire night with nothing to amuse themselves with but each other…" She sang half of the words.  
"KATE!" I complained laughing. "Just because you and Garrett are like that doesn't mean the rest of the world is, you sick minded person." She grinned at me. "Does Garrett do this to Carlisle?" I asked after a pause.  
"Do what?" she feigned innocence.  
"Tease him relentlessly at every given opportunity."  
"Oh, that. Yep, pretty much I think." _At least im not the only one. _i felt immediately guilty for thinking it.  
"Did you find Carmen?"  
"Yep." Her tone was un-amused.  
"I told you…" I teased her. She shook her head as if trying to shake images from her mind. Laughter shook my body. The door swung open causing us both to jump. Garrett appeared in the doorway.  
"I'm going hunting." His voice shook and I could tell he had been crying. Kate immediately flew to his side and began badgering him about what was wrong. He just shook his head. Eventually, she gave up and resorted to kissing him.  
"Take it outside," I mumbled, hoping they wouldn't go any further in my doorway. She pulled him out of sight.  
I attempted to get to sleep, exhausted after all the traveling and stress of Carlisle being sick.  
"Tanya." _Damn._  
"Hmm?" I rolled over to see Carmen leaning against the door frame.  
"I'll leave you alone in a minuet, I promise," she laughed. "What's up with Kate?"  
"Why?" I murmured, praying it was nothing that involved me leaving my bed.  
"She was upset… then, not." Carmen looked confused.  
"I don't know, Garrett said she's been like that all day. Why's the world ending now?"  
"Cause he's gone hunting."  
I groaned.  
"Don't worry, she's holding Eleazar hostage." She said disappearing out the door. Exhaustion overcame me and I finally drifted to sleep. In the back of my mind I pitied Eleazar.

The sound of metal tinkering against tiles startled me from my sleep. My heart was racing. I sat frozen for a few minutes, listening for any foreign noises. My blood ran cold when I heard a draw being shuffled open downstairs. I slid the steal baseball bat out from under my bed and began tiptoeing down the stairs as quietly as I could with my cast.  
My hands shook and my breath choked as I saw a drop of blood on the bottom step. A faint light seeped around the corner of the kitchen door. Another spot of blood dotted the floor. Raising the bat above my head, I slowly pushed it open, flinching as it creaked.  
"Are you okay?" I asked, the bat clattering at my feet in relief.  
"Will be," he mumbled. Carlisle turned the tap on and held his arm under the flow. The water ran red.  
"What'd you do?!" I asked walking toward him. Over his shoulder I saw that when he removed his arm, blood burbled out and streamed down it. Both of his hands were covered in the slick red liquid.  
"Cut." He answered shortly. The amount of blood pouring out of the wound shocked me, and I could feel panic beginning to rise in my chest. Grabbing the tea towel, I pulled him to face me, applying as much pressure to it as I could. Carlisle gasped but didn't seem worried about the pain.  
"Sit down," I instructed. He moved to the table, holding the towel in place as he did so. I frantically ratted through the cupboard to find a bandage. On sourcing one, I rushed back to him.  
"Calm down Tanya, its not a big deal." his attempt to calm me only made it worse. Forcing him to lie his arm flat on the table, I carefully began enclosing it in the bandage. The wound looked deep and raw, and I was hesitant to touch it in case I hurt him too much. "I can do it if you want." I shook my head at him. He seemed more worried about me than himself.  
As I wrapped it, I saw the other scars in better detail. The numerous healed rips littered his skin, ruining the once perfect surface. Some were jagged, like it required a lot of force to tear the skin. Others were smooth, carved in with a sharp blade. All of them were deep. The pain of each gorge must have been close to unbearable.  
Tears began to dribble down my cheeks as I finished bandaging him, wondering what compelled him to do this to himself. I lost control and sobs erupted from my chest, shaking my body. We'd known the Cullen's along time and I hated myself for not realising that he'd been hurting all along, for not being able to help him. Feeling helpless, I got up and began cleaning the blood from the bench, washing out the sink.  
Suddenly, I felt hands around my waist, slowly turning me around. Carlisle was now directly in front of me. I stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact. My whole body trembled with sobs and my cheeks were wet. He took the cloth from my hand and put in down.  
"I didn't mean to make you sad," he whispered. His voice dipped with sincerity.  
"I'm s-sorry," I said quickly, stammering because of the tears. He sighed and stepped back, dropping his gaze to the floor. "P-please don't l-leave. I-I'm sorry," I begged him, not wanting him to be unset with me.  
"You're not going to go?" He asked quietly looking up at me. I shook my head, wondering why he thought I would. "Why not?"  
"I-I told you before that I liked you." I felt unsure. My insecurity heightened when he stared at the floor, seeming confused.  
"So what? Garrett supposedly likes me too but he's always mad at me for this. So now I've upset both of you." He said briefly lifting his sleeve and revealing the bandage. I wondered how many miscommunications those two actually had. Carlisle looked upset as he spoke.  
"I… like you more than Garrett does…" _Why are you doing this now Tanya? Idiot. _"…More like… how Kate likes Garrett." I bit my lip, looking away. I could feel my cheeks flaming. He didn't say anything and I didn't dare look up.  
Suddenly a hand caught my chin and gently lifted my face up. Slowly I looked up at him. He was smiling slightly and so close to me I could feel the heat of his temperature rolling off him.  
"I would kiss you Tanya, but I'm scared I'll make you sick," he whispered. I tried to stop a wide grin from spreading across my face.  
"I don't care," I giggled. "Do it anyway." He shook his head and I pouted, causing him to laugh.  
"When I'm better," he promised.  
"Now." I demanded, trying to stifle my giggles.  
"Soon," he replied. I could see him hiding his own smile.  
"When's soon then?" I complained playfully, giving up.  
"When's convenient Miss Denali?" He asked, faking seriousness. I rolled my eyes.  
"What, do I need an appointment now?" I was near hysterics now, nerves were getting the better of me.  
"Yes, so when will it be Miss Denali?"  
"Stop calling me that! It's weird!"  
"I'm weird. Get used to it." He was still pretending to be serious but i could tell he was losing control.  
"I'm going to bed. Are you going to be alright by yourself?"  
"So four on Tuesday do you think?" I took that as a yes.  
"_Goodnight_ Carlisle! And don't think you've gotten away with that." I gestured to his arm. He pulled a face, joking gone. Part of me wondered if this was all just a ploy to distract me from it. He folded his arms self-consciously and looked away. "See you in the morning." I was going to tell him to go to bed but guessed my attempt would be futile.  
I went back to bed, falling asleep quickly.

Over the next few days, life pretty much went on as normal. Carlisle and Garrett were still having battle of the wills over I don't know what. Carlisle also hadn't acknowledged our 'meeting' during the other night. I guessed my thought about him distracting me was right.  
Kate on the other, continued to suffer more and more mood swings. One minuet she was laughing, the next, crying over some insignificant incident like her boyfriend going hunting.  
Carmen and Eleazar made themselves scarce. I wish I didn't know what they were doing.  
My leg also continued to improve and I could now get almost anywhere without my crutches.

The next morning, I entered the kitchen to find Kate and Carmen grumbling about their husbands. Glass from a shattered window covered the floor. Both women were sweeping it.  
"What…happened?" I asked cautiously.  
"Some Asshole decided to play 'throw a baseball as hard as you can at a window'," Kate snapped. Carmen looked amused at Kate's explanation and not quite as mad as her. I laughed, making Kate glare at me and Carmen snort. I sat at the counter and watched them sweep, resting my chin in my hands. I noticed both men were in hiding.  
All of a sudden, my chair spun around, hard enough so that if somebody didn't have their arms around me I would have been on the floor. The arms pulled me to my feet and lips pressed against mine.  
"Are you happy now?" _That you got what you came for?_ Carlisle asked quietly, smiling. I knew this was a reference to my favourite My Chemical Romance song 'The world is ugly'.  
"No." I said, pushing my luck. "That is not a kiss. And you promised." I kissed him again, harder this time, shoving my tongue between his lips and reaching up to wrap my arms around his neck.  
"Ahem," I heard Carmen clear her throat behind us. We broke apart too soon. I sheepishly turned around. He kept his arm around my waist and I enjoyed it being there. Garrett and Eleazar slunk into the kitchen, both looking guilty.  
"I see how it is then…" Garrett said looking at us, pretending to be hurt by not being told. I rolled my eyes at him while Carlisle smiled and looked away. On noticing her boyfriend was back, Kate practically flew to his side and hugged him tightly.  
"Aren't you mad at me?" He teased her. She shook her head and refused to let go when he attempted to take his arms out from under hers.  
"I have something to tell you," she said quietly.  
"Yeah, well I have something to ask you." He exchanged a quick glance with Carlisle.

**A/N: i'm kinda bored writing this one so im going to start another one but if anyone actually wants me to continue this fanfic tell me and i will (even though i doubt that anyone will but anyway). thanks for reading :)**


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